Adam Fletcher gives the lowdown on Germany’s anti-Islamic movement…

Hallo Mitbürger,

Have you noticed that life is a little bit hard? Are you disappointed that you didn’t become an astronaut after all? Did you make some shitty life choices and would prefer someone else to blame for them? Did you lose the job you weren’t very good at to someone who was better at it? Did you hear people on the street talking in a language you didn’t understand? Are you disillusioned by out of touch politicians?

Well, worry not, lieber Mitbürger, for we have a new miracle solution to offer you…we call it Pegida™!

Pegida™ technology offers you an instant and magical new world view, vastly superior to your previous world view, for all the following reasons:

Fact blindness

With the help of Pegida™, you become immune to the effects of inconvenient facts. If anyone from the “lying press” tries to contradict your world view, your brain will automatically short-circuit like a robot vacuum cleaner covered in milk.

Thanks to Pegida™, when someone confronts you with the so called “truth”, you’ll repeat a series of standard phrases until they go away. Phrases such as – “Lügenpresse” “Fakten. Hör mir mit all diesen Scheißfakten auf!”, “Nur 2%? Das ist mir egal, das sind schon 2% zu viel!”, “Wir müssen die Kirche im Dorf lassen”, or “Ich habe nichts gegen Ausländer, aber …”

Of course, Pegida™ doesn’t block all f…